Fault
by akitokihojo
Summary: Inuyasha was watching Kagome crumble night after night when she thought no one was awake to notice. She began to hold back from him, to lie, to pretend like the truth and her exhaustion weren't painted on her face vividly for the half demon to see. He's finally had enough.


**Note:** This takes place between episodes 177 (Flowers Drenched in Sadness) and 178 ep 10 and 11 of Final Act. There's some trauma discussed in that episode and my girl, Kagome, has her own feelings sort of left up to interpretation at the end, and since I'm over emotional and may have cried, this is my rendition of what should have happened.

* * *

Inuyasha sat with his back against the wall of Kaede's hut, legs crossed in front of him and ears giving little twitches as the quiet of the night set in, the only noises around being the deep breaths of air leaving the lungs of the sleeping members around him and the flickering flames of the dying fire in the center of the room. It was no surprise that he couldn't sleep. His mind was riddled with questions that had been burning at his tongue just begging to be asked, and even with Kagome on her side of the well, he felt close to bursting.

Over the past week, he'd watched Kagome sit up in her sleeping bag, look around to check that everyone was sleeping, tuck Shippo into the padding of the bag so he was warm enough not to notice her absence, and saunter off into the darkness of the forest. Out of respect, he never followed, thinking she'd only ever venture off like that if she was using the restroom. But when she'd return, her cheeks would hold a hint of pink illuminated by the fire in the middle of their camp. Her eyes would be puffy, the embers creating harsh shadows beneath the swelling of her lower lids. And she would smell of salt.

The scent wasn't overwhelming. In fact, if Inuyasha wasn't paying attention he would have missed the bitter whiff of salt altogether. This happened every night. Kagome would get out of her sleeping bag, never once noticing Inuyasha watching from his place not too far from her, and come back with a dull, sad gaze. She'd crawl back into her bag, clutch the young fox kit who wouldn't wake but would snuggle closer to her chest, and would shut her eyes until sleep eventually took her.

On night number three of this routine, he planned on asking her what was going on. His instincts were, at this point, screaming that something was wrong. How long had this been going on for? He had just barely become aware of the fact that Kagome was tremendously affected by something, and while he had the general idea, his gut told him there was more to it. Since he was coping with his own heartbreak for a while, he hardly noticed what the others did around him, only tuning in during bits and pieces of conversations and when asked a question. The realization that this could have been happening while he was always only a few feet away from Kagome, but never actually present, bruised him.

When she returned from her walk, Inuyasha sat up straighter, not missing the small sniffle from her nose or the way she tucked her head when she noticed him looking at her. He opened his mouth to ask, only able to get out her name before Kagome cut him off by mentioning how awful her allergies had been lately before sending a barely-believable grin his way.

She didn't want to talk about it, that much was clear. As much as he wanted to hound her and ask what was going on over and over until she gave in and told him, he could tell this was a situation that needed to be handled delicately.

Inuyasha's specialty.

He'd never seen Kagome like this before. Pissed, yeah. Jealous, sure. Sad, not often but it's still happened. So distraught that she had to swallow it around her companions and sneak off alone in the middle of the night to let it out, not once.

This all started, or at least was brought to his attention, when they encountered the flower prince, Kao. The bastard got off on peoples' sadness, making Inuyasha a prime target while he mourned Kikyo's passing. Little did he know, Kagome was even worse off than he was. He never got clarification for it, though. Kao was elated to announce how Kagome's sadness triumphed Inuyasha's, making her all the more appealing to the demon, but stopped abruptly before preaching the cause behind it. Inuyasha didn't realize it in the moment, but he didn't want Kao to stop talking. He wanted -no, _needed-_ to know what was tearing her apart inside. She'd mentioned that Kikyo's death was hard on everyone, but that didn't tell him anything. The others didn't sneak off in the dead of night to cry. Kagome did _._

The worry was spreading through him at an agonizing pace, causing his knee to bob up and down. It aggravated him that there was seemingly nothing he could do. She'd firmly stated to the invasive bastard that her emotions weren't for anyone other than herself, so who was he to ask about them? Inuyasha felt that if she were going to open up about what she felt, she would have done so immediately following the incident while the door was open. But she didn't. Instead, she took care of him and made sure he was okay. Something he should have been doing for her.

Now here he was a week and a half later, sitting up in the middle of the night while the group recouped at Kaede's place. Kagome had decided to head home to gather more supplies and study for a test she'd fabricated on the spot. Inuyasha had become so attuned to her lately, paying attention to her every quirk and move, how she put in so much effort to appear fine in front of Miroku, Sango, and Shippo, noticing how her cheeks were paling more and more every day, and how her dark brown eyes looked exhausted and puffy. He could tell which smiles were fake now, when she wasn't asleep, when she would lie about being "just tired" to explain her swollen lower eyelids and lack luster features, and he could tell when she lied to his face about her reason for going back to her time.

He told himself at first that it was best to give her space. Let her have a day, _maybe_ two, at home and she'd come back refreshed and better than ever. She'd take a bath and return smelling of that wonderful, warm, sugary scent Inuyasha had grown to favor about her, and everything would be okay again. He wouldn't have to worry about her. She'd sleep at night and wouldn't cry anymore, and Inuyasha would be comforted just knowing that Kagome was happy once again.

That would be too easy, though, wouldn't it? Something pushed and pulled painfully at him, screaming that Kagome needed him and, yet again, he wasn't there for her.

Inuyasha curled his fingers into tight fists, his sharp claws biting into the flesh of his palms, the entirety of what was left of his resolve dissipating. As quietly as possible, he stood from his spot, stepped around the curled up, sleeping fox demon, and pushed his way through the hanging door mat and out into the cool night air. Quickly, he hastened his pace, sprinting towards the ancient bone eaters well and jumping straight through.

The cool air greeted Inuyasha as he slowly slid the shrine door open, looking around to assess his surroundings. Kagome's time was much safer than his own, but he still preferred awareness over surprises. Even though it was the middle of the night, the quarter moon high in the night sky, the distant roads still sounded busy. Kagome had told him that sort of thing was common in her village -or _city_ , he remembered her calling it. Her family's shrine on the other hand, further away from most of the commotion, was quiet and peaceful. He soundlessly slid the door to the well shut behind him, looking at each window of Kagome's home and noticing none of the lights on. As he approached the building, he took in the quiet of the house. He could usually hear her grandpa snoring or her younger brother watching shows on the television in the living room, but it was stone-still inside. Aside from Kagome's room.

Small, weak whimpers emitted from the open, glass window caused his pointed ears to lay flat along his head as a heavy feeling settled into the cavity of Inuyasha's chest. The half demon launched himself from the hard earth beneath his feet to the base of her window, balancing on the edge of the wood and analyzing the dark room.

The door across the way was open, the halls pitch black and hard for even him to see into. The floor around was a mess; books were scattered around and opened with their pages folded damagingly against the ground, the small lamp that usually sat on Kagome's desk was broken on the opposite side of the room, clothes were strewn about, and even the chair was tipped over in the middle of the walking space. Inuyasha silently stepped in, peering at the girl sitting hunched over on her bed staring blankly at the comforter beneath her folded legs and holding her towel against her bare chest. Her black hair was wet, still dripping along the skin of her back, small goosebumps evident from the moonlight shining in through the window pane.

The half demon stood frozen in place from the scene in front of him. His initial thought was Kagome had to have been attacked, baring his claws before he realized he couldn't smell anything or anyone foreign in her home. Only the usual scents lingered, along with the fresh and sweet aroma of the shampoo Kagome must have just used, still strong from her sodden locks. He didn't sense any sort of immediate danger, so what the hell could have happened? The girl in front of him hardly moved, only trembling slightly as she continued to stare at the blanket along the length of her bed and brought the towel she held loosely in her fingers up to her mouth to cover the bottom lip she chewed on. The only bit of clothing she donned was black underwear, and while this wasn't his first time seeing her undressed, it still created a tender feeling to swell and tighten in his abdomen at seeing her in such a raw and vulnerable state. He thought to cover her up somehow to protect her from feeling any further and unnecessary defenselessness, but he couldn't find the will to move.

She took in a shaky breath, sniffling as a salty tear ran down the length of her nose and dripped onto her knee. Slowly, Kagome blinked and turned her head to face Inuyasha, a look of realization emerging on her pale cheeks, her shoulders broadening as she finally processed his presence. She whipped her torso away to face the back wall, clutching the white cloth to her chest with one hand and wiping her tear-stained face with the other.

"Kagome-"

"What are you doing here?" Kagome asked, her hoarse voice appearing harsh and direct. She continued to hide her face, and he could tell she was trying to compose herself by taking deep breaths and shaking her head as if to push the problem to the back of her mind.

"I came to check on you. What the hell happened, Kagome?!" Inuyasha fired, taking a step forward but stopping as her brown eyes darted back in his direction and pierced through him.

"Nothing." Kagome answered resolutely.

"Don't give me that! This doesn't look like nothing to me!"

"Leave it alone, Inuyasha." She demanded through gritted teeth, a red blemishing her face as she pushed herself further onto her bed and back against the white wall. He paused for a moment, taking in the shaking sight of her. She wasn't afraid, he knew her better than that. She didn't fear him, so he knew full and well that _that_ wasn't why she was backing away. This had everything to do with the pain Kao boasted about a week and a half ago. The pain she'd been dealing with for too long now. She'd had to swallow and contain it for over a week, maybe even longer considering Inuyasha wasn't aware until recently, only letting bits and pieces of it out while she thought everyone slept. This was her inevitable mental breakdown from holding it back for as long as she did. The scattered and broken items on the floor were Kagome releasing the dark depths of it all.

Inuyasha took another small step forward, untying the knot at the front of his fire rat as he watched Kagome quickly wipe the tears that relentlessly continued to flow.

"Here, let me-"

"Go home!" Kagome snapped, forcing herself to appear as small against the wall as she could.

"No, I-"

"Leave me _alone,_ Inuyasha!" She screamed, crumbling forward as she brought the dampened towel up to hide her face and squeezed her legs into her chest, her muffled sobs causing a lump to form in the half demon's throat. Inuyasha stood there, mouth slightly agape as he tried to figure out what to do. He'd never seen her like this before. He'd never seen _anyone_ like this before. Was he supposed to leave her to handle this alone? He figured that was a trash idea considering she was already left alone for a small fragment of time and _this_ was what he showed up to, but then what? He wasn't necessarily any good at handling crying people, let alone Kagome crying. It was no secret that Inuyasha wasn't _good_ with emotions, period. And this… This was a whole new level. Kagome's front was disintegrating as she bawled and quivered in the ball she'd rolled herself into, begging him to leave between each heart-shattering cry.

The thought of leaving her alone like this, trembling and broken, made Inuyasha feel physically sick. He couldn't leave her. He _wouldn't_ leave her. As much as he didn't know what to do, he was fully aware that being away from Kagome right now was the worst possible solution.

He swallowed the hardened lump, feeling the thick, heavy ball travel down his esophagus and land in the pit of his already-aching stomach. He removed the suikan from his shoulders and made his way through the mess on the floor, avoiding the school books and the writing utensils littering the place, and stopped just before the edge of her mattress. He leaned over, wrapping the thick robe over her naked shoulders, respecting the space she needed at the moment and finding it might be more comfortable for the both of them if he averted his eyes for the time being.

"I won't leave." Inuyasha started, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and staring at the broken glass from the lamp at the edge of the room. He heard Kagome still slightly, small gasps continuing to escape her mouth, but the shaking muscles ceasing under the warmth of his fire rat. "I can wait with you."

"N-no." Kagome's voice was weak and muffled, his sensitive ears hardly picking it up.

"I won't leave." He repeated firmly, briefly glancing back at her with his amber eyes but looking away again towards the closet doors.

"I n-never wa-wanted you t-to s-see me like th-this." She sobbed, clutching her legs even tighter, burying her face further into her knees.

"Why, Kagome?!" He pushed, finding it impossible to look away from her any longer. "It's just me!"

" _Because_ it's you!" Kagome finally looked up at him, the salt from her fresh, hot tears so pungent that he could taste it. Her hair was just beginning to dry, messy waves forming around her face and casting harsh shadows with the moonlight under her swollen eyes. The apples of her cheeks were stained pink and irritated from the constant wiping she did in an attempt to stop the scorching liquid that relentlessly leaked down.

Inuyasha took a small step back, the heel of his foot connecting with some of the spilled contents from her yellow backpack, his knuckles white from the fists he tightly clenched. His golden eyes were wide with shock at her statement, the anxiety already building within him causing his lungs to clench and ache. He didn't understand what was going on. Over the time they'd spent with each other, through the battles and arguments, all the shit they'd been through at each other's sides she still felt the need to hide her pain and it fucking killed him.

"You… don't trust me." He said more than asked, their gazes locking as she shook her head fervently.

"No! No, Inuyasha, it's not that!" Kagome defended, dropping the towel to the side and crawling closer to the edge of her mattress, clutching the inside of the suikan closed with one hand while bracing herself with the other. "You've had to deal with so much already. I-I never wanted my own troubles to burden you."

"Burden?" Inuyasha asked, trying to swallow the anger that suddenly built up. "Kagome, did you think I didn't notice this shit earlier? Did you think I never noticed you leaving in the middle of the night to cry?!"

"There was only that one-"

"No, I saw you leave _every-fucking-night!_ " He barked, throwing his arms out in front of him in emphasis. "You lying to me, sneaking off, pretending you're fine, and hiding whatever you're feeling is what's burdening me! So why don't you just spit it out?! I don't care what I've had to "deal with!" I don't care if the world is crumbling around me and I'm holding the weight of it up with my shoulders! I can handle anything you throw at me, Kagome, so stop bottling it up like an idiot and tell me what the hell is going through your head!"

Kagome's bottom lip quivered, pouting outward as she shut her eyes and folded into herself, causing a horrible chill to painfully course through every vein in Inuyasha's body, sending shocks to each nerve ending that nearly had him crumbling on the spot. He bent to his knees, crawling the short distance to reach the side of the bed and peered at her face through her untidy bangs, wondering if it was safe to touch her yet because it was getting harder and harder to keep his hands at his sides. Her sobs racked her whole body, the whimpers escaping her throat seeming small yet so raw it made him wish this were his human night so that his hearing wasn't so keen.

"I didn't know you saw me," She whispered, shaking her head yet again. "I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," Inuyasha hushed, gently pressing his forehead to hers, his nails threading into her damp hair and holding her to him by the crook if her jaw. "Just tell me, Kagome. Please."

She continued her quiet apologies, each one filling Inuyasha's chest with a hollow ache. Seeing her like this, feeling her body's small quakes and hiccups from the unceasing crying made him feel so helpless. So _useless_. He wanted to take everything she was feeling and make it his own. He wanted to absorb her sorrow and take every ounce of it away from her. Inuyasha didn't care how much pain he'd be in afterwards. He'd do whatever it took to see the woman whose smile provided him with hope and comfort okay again.

"It's my fault." Kagome finally admitted, leaning back from him, a cold breeze brushing against the spot her hot forehead once leaned against. "It's all my fault, Inuyasha. You trusted me, and I let you down."

"What do you mean?"

"Kikyo." She choked, clutching the robe around her shoulders even tighter, bringing it up towards her face to hide behind. "Only I could save her, and I messed up!"

Inuyasha took a moment, his hands falling to the bed spread, processing all the information she'd given him in just that one, short declaration. He could hear it in the hook her voice gave, expressing just how guilty and responsible she felt for the priestess's death. There was no way in hell he imagined she had this hanging over her shoulders.

"This isn't your fault." The half demon acknowledged incredulously, shaking his head slowly as he tried to make sense of her guilt. "This isn't even close to your fault!"

"Don't you get it, Inuyasha?"

"Don't _you_ get it? I was the one that should have protected her!"

"You can't be in two places at once!" Kagome argued. "I was there! I had to purify her with the bow from Mount Azusa; that was the _one_ thing I was told to do!"

"You did that, Kagome!"

"No, you don't understand! I hesitated when I faced the spirit of the mountain! I was unsure and if I didn't have to take that moment to sort everything out, we could have gotten back to Kikyo sooner!"

"Stop!"

"If I were stronger, maybe I could have purified her soul with that arrow like I was supposed to!"

"She redirected it with the sacred jewel! That wasn't-"

"If I were _stronger_ , she would have _lived_!" Kagome cried, letting go of the fire rat altogether and slamming her hands against the firm mattress. "If I were _stronger_ , you wouldn't have lost Kikyo!"

The hanyou's heart was pounding erratically against his ribcage, his fingers trembling from the sheer amount of unbridled emotion in their argument. As much as he felt to blame for Kikyo's passing… As much as he felt it was _his_ fault because he didn't get to her side fast enough, deep in his gut he knew there was no stopping it. It was always easier to blame himself than to accept the fact that Kikyo had planned to sacrifice herself in order to defeat Naraku.

Kikyo was never meant to be at that battle in the first place. She was a specter, unwillingly walking this Earth once again, living off only a fragment of her own soul along with the continuously delivered souls of dead women, with the pure intention to defeat Naraku. What was her goal after the fight was over? What was she intending to do once Naraku was killed? Live a happy life alongside Inuyasha? No, that was never the plan for either of them.

Inuyasha swallowed thickly, climbing onto the bed next to Kagome, his legs curving around the sides of her body. He adjusted the loosely splayed, red garment around her bare shoulders, gently grabbing her arms to weave them through the sleeves and pulling her to look at him with the front of the open robes. Her brown eyes, clouded with sorrow and remorse, met his own gaze and caused every muscle in his abdomen to clench.

"Kagome, I want you to listen to me." He insisted, his grip on the hem of his robe tightening.

"Inu-"

" _Listen_ to me." Kagome shut her mouth, the pink skin of her lips sealing as her eyebrows twitched together in response to his tone, then relaxed. "In no way do I blame you, do you understand? You fought with everything you had, and you did everything you could. Kikyo came up with a plan of her own, and I don't know if it was something she'd come up with long beforehand or on the spot, but she sacrificed herself in an attempt to purify Naraku and no one can be held responsible for her decisions. I'd lost her years ago, Kagome, so this wasn't entirely about me losing her. It was more about feeling like I'd let her down again. I didn't save her and that's why I blamed myself, but with all that you did and all that you overcame just to fight for Kikyo's soul, I could never find fault in you. Ever."

"You didn't let her down, though!" Kagome whimpered, scooting her knees inward to fully face the half demon, her bottom lip pouting out again.

"I know that. And I also know how hard it is to convince yourself otherwise when you feel responsible for something. So, I want you to take your time with this. If I have to remind you every day of how strong I think you are, I'll do it. If you need a reminder that you aren't to blame for Kikyo's death, I'll give that to you. I'm here, Kagome. You don't have to deal with this alone anymore." Inuyasha threaded his fingers of one hand through her raven hair once more, being mindful of his claws while gently gripping the thick strands at the nape of her neck.

Kagome took a moment and Inuyasha could feel the tremors from her body just inches from his finally calm. Her thick, wet lashes blinked away a couple more tears that had lined the rim of her eyelids, the thumb of Inuyasha's other hand leaving the hem of the fire rat and softly wiping the searing liquid away, cupping her cheek within his palm. She exhaled, and he could feel her muscles tense as she tried to quickly put up another façade, but it crumbled immediately, and she launched herself into the heat of his chest, wrapping her arms around him and sobbing into his kosode.

"I'm so sorry, Inuyasha! I'm so sorry!" Kagome repeated over and over, the apologies muffled by his thick shirt. His arms instinctively wrapped firmly around her while he supported her weight, feeling her hot breath on his skin, burning through his clothing and seeping through to his heart.

Inuyasha continued to hold her, her small frame nestled tightly against his torso, snug in between his legs while his fingers combed through her hair as it continued to dry completely, and he rested his chin on top of her head. He shushed her when necessary, but otherwise allowed her to cry until she couldn't cry anymore. Her choppy breathing eventually calmed and then eventually deepened, the grip her fingers held along the back of his shirt loosening, and Inuyasha slowly leaned back against the comforter of the bed until his head sunk into Kagome's pillow. She adjusted herself slightly but stayed pressed to his chest, her thin fingers playing with the extra cloth along the hanyou's waist.

"You should get some rest, Kagome." Inuyasha whispered, his palm stilling at the crown of her head as their lungs synchronized. "There's nothing to worry about anymore. Not while I'm with you."

He felt her nod, her eyelashes tickling the flesh at the base of his throat as they closed, her spent body growing heavier on top of him. His own eyes began drifting shut, and after weeks of fighting the exhaustion, he finally felt like he didn't have to anymore. His own mind began to calm considerably, and with Kagome pressed up against him, her pure heart beating alongside his rib cage, it brought a deepening comfort he could hardly describe. A warmth began spreading throughout his veins, starting at where their skin touched and expanding to fill him with a sensation he'd grown familiar to feeling only with her. He hoped he could provide in return even a fraction of what Kagome unknowingly provided for him; the safety and serenity just her presence offered, let alone what the physical pressure of her body did. It was the feeling he bathed in whenever he was with Kagome that helped him get through the trials he'd faced since waking from his fifty-year sleep, and he could only hope to bring her the same sort of peace. If he was able to do that, he'd consider himself more than content. Kagome muttered a soft thank you to him, and he flexed his arms around her chest, refusing to let go of her even while he gave into sleep.


End file.
